P.S., Grand Rapids, I Love You

I live in Chicago. And I love it. But I miss Grand Rapids so much. I miss all of my friends and the bright red autumn leaves and living within walking distance of Nantucket Bakery and The Sparrows coffee shop. I even miss the stupid drunk frat boys playing their guitars on the hoods of their cars at 3am. And the "resident" homeless man who shuffled around on the street outside of our apartment building. Summer is officially over only when he has changed from his cut-off jean shorts into his sweat pants. His name is Mark. He wants to fly south for the winter.

Grand Rapids will always hold some great memories for me. I recently was able to breeze through on my way from a wedding in Clare back to Chicago and I took about a million pictures and almost cried because I think autumn in Grand Rapids may be more beautiful than autumn anywhere else that I've ever been. And it's my favorite season. Here are a few photos from that trip to peruse before the snow starts to fall (ugh).

Winter Edges In

It is not yet winter. But I can feel its fingers wrapping around the city, preparing to overtake it. The air outside smells like a box of hats and scarves.

Every year when the weather turned cold my mother would pull the box of winter wear from the back of the closet and it always smelled the same. A mix of old dryer sheets and crumbled leaves, and the dust that settled from the wood stove. Unknowingly, this smell has become a tell-tale sign of winter for me. And maybe for everyone else in the city because I think they all pulled out their dusty coats on the same day and filled the air with the smell of the coming winter.

Most of the leaves have left the tree branches and been swallowed up by the street sweepers. (The street sweepers which are responsible for my first Chicago ticket because they failed to have the signs up in time for me to move my car! But this post is supposed to be calm and contemplative...so I'll save the ticket rant for another day.)

Snowflake decorations are up on the streetlights, candy canes in the neighbor's garden, Christmas music at the grocery store... And I'm trying to roll with the punches. I am generally an avid believer that Christmas does not exist until after Thanksgiving. But as I sit here sipping my eggnog latte (that I got for half price due to a holiday sale) I am starting to soften to the idea of Thanksgiving and Christmas going hand-in-hand. After all, it is "the holiday season." And yesterday I realized that we only have a month to get through the list of 30 Christmas movies--and yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie--so we are going to have to get started!

But I am still reluctant to pack away my pumpkins and autumn leaves. It feels like admitting defeat. Admitting that soon my beautiful crunchy leaves will be rotting under a frigid blanket of ice and snow. Maybe I'll just put Santa hats on the scarecrows and lobby for a holiday merger...

Love Affair with Humanity

Today, I realized that I am in love the human race. Or maybe today I admitted it to myself. Those of you who know me probably already know this about me. So, I suppose you can read the rest of this just to say "I told you so."

I like to pretend that I can't stand people and that they make me crazy and I don't want to have anything to do with their dysfunctional selves. But, the truth is, I need them. I need to remember that I'm not the only dysfunctional disaster. I need to remember that, though I may feel poor and disadvantaged, I have it relatively easy. I need to see the softness in an old man's eyes, or the ferocity in the face of a frustrated teenager. And I need to remember that we each have a little of all of that within ourselves.

For the past few weeks I have been working from home, writing for a website and I realized that I feel a little isolated. (It doesn't help that my apartment is half underground so it feels like I'm hunkering down in a bomb shelter.) I have been craving human interaction. The three dogs that live upstairs just don't quite cut it.

I need to look at faces that are not my own. Strange or familiar. Friendly or otherwise. Humanity is all at once heartwarming and infuriating. And it's hard for me to find it anything but beautiful. At least right now. I know I will have my moments and days when I am gloomy about the state of the world and getting down on this mess of humanity that I'm a part of. But for the record, humanity, I love you.

Brand new backdrop

I have been in Chicago for two full months now. It's high time I wrote something about it. Nothing too insightful today. Just a bit of love for Ukrainian Village, my wonderful neighbors, and the cat. Her name is Lucy. The cat and the neighbor. But only one of them circles my feet and rolls over so I can scratch her belly. Human-Lucy lives two doors down and cat-Lucy lives next to us with Mary/Maria. We have never been formally introduced and I think I hear her called something different every time. So I just say "Hello" and smile. There's also a Mary on the other side of us. Orientation was so confusing.

Our apartment is just about entirely put together and we have more space than we anticipated. I still feel like we're burrowing into a little mouse-nest but it is somehow cozier than it is cramped. And that's not just necessitated optimism talking. We have a working furnace now and the apartment seems to absorb all the things we need to find a place for. I just don't know if I'll ever find them again.

We rode our bike down to the lake shore a couple weeks ago and cruised around in the shadow of the Hancock building. I can see the Sears Tower while I'm getting groceries. Granted, it's four miles away...but, it's four miles away! I'm not sure if we'll ever get used to that. And I think that's ok. I'm counting on the excitement and charm of the new city to get me through the first winter.

Here are a few pictures of our neighborhood:

Thinking About Spring

"It is the first day because it has never been before and the last day because it will never be again. Be alive if you can all through this day today of your life." -Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life


I had my windows open today. It was an astonishing 74 degrees. I walked to the bank and there were dozens of people on the streets. Students sipping iced lattes, whistling construction workers, people asking for directions and dinner dates. I love the way cities come alive in the spring.

What is it about this season that seems to have us all twitterpated? Are we simply mimicking our friends in the animal kingdom? I wake up from a long, secluded winter and fall in love with humankind as though I had forgotten others existed. I want to roll in the new grass and dance down the sidewalks. It's like a fricking musical. And I wonder if any of this gloriousness would be possible without the dreaded winter.

I claim to hate winter. Strike that, I very much hate winter. (Though there is something breathtaking about the first snow of the season. Damn nature and her infinite beauty!) I do hate the frost-biting cold that makes your bones ache. I hate the gray dark days that make your soul ache. But I love the relief and the romance of spring. Would the changing of the seasons captivate me quite so much if I didn't feel like I had survived something?

We all come pouring out into the streets on days like this to congratulate each other. Shaking strangers hands, "We made it through another one!" Of course I can be thankful looking back...but I guess I need to learn to be more appreciative in the moment. Learn to forecast these positive outcomes and take the bitter trials for what they are.

Even so...I think the Midwest could tone it down a bit. I promise to appreciate the coming spring even if the depths of winter only plunge us to 20 or 30 degrees.

Love in the Movies

On Valentine's Day (I'm only a month late with this post...) Ed and I watched Sleepless in Seattle. I'm not sure if this is tradition, but it usually ends up happening. This year we watched all the special features. The Associate Producer/Writer, Delia Ephron, had a great quote:

"Once you've fallen in love, the only place you'll ever fall in love again is the movies."

She continued, "You go into a movie theater and you get to re-experience, through someone else's love affair on the screen, all the feelings you had when you first fell in love. And I think that's one of the wonderful things about going to the movies."

I'm trying to decide how much I agree with her statement. Movies have an undeniable power and influence in our lives--possibly the strongest of any medium. Movies combine the beauty of words, images, and music to create a complete experience for the viewer...


However, I believe that literature can have a similar power. We can experience falling in love again at the hand of Jane Austen or Henry James. And, as an added bonus, we can embellish the story with details from our own memory or imagination, making it that much more personal and intimate.

I also believe that we can recapture those first feelings of love with each other. When my husband does something sweet and thoughtful, it reminds me of all the reasons that I fell in love with him. And it's like falling in love all over again.

I guess love is just very versatile. Or maybe I'm just very lucky. We can experience love through books, music, and movies, which is fantastic, but it may not be necessary.

What is necessary: good men.

Not Bad for Ninety

Two weeks ago my great grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday.
We went to celebrate with her.

She was born Evart, Michigan and has lived in the same small, red brick farmhouse for the last 6 decades or so. She gave birth to five children. Over the years she has lost three of them. These last few years have been the most difficult. Margaret Hoffmeyer suffers from Alzheimer's disease. I think it may be self-defense. Mothers are not supposed to outlive their children. Let alone three children.

Thankfully, on her birthday, Grandma was having a good day. She is always able to remember my mother. On her birthday, she knew all of us. However, she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that she was turning ninety.

"Well, you've got a cake," she noticed.
"Yes, it's for your birthday!" I said.
"January the 18th?" she asked.
"Yes. That's tomorrow!"
"How old do you think you are?" my mother asked.
Grandma made a slightly puzzled face and then hesitantly she said, "Eighty?"
We all giggled and my mom touched Grandma's elbow and said,
"You have to add ten more years."
Grandma's eyes grew wide with astonishment, "I'm ninety?!"
She thought it was hilarious


The room filled with laughter and we all gathered around to give Grandma a big birthday hug. She successfully extinguished the flames on her "9" and "0" candles and we all cheered. As my mother cut the cake, Grandma said softly, "the years just slip by, don't they."

Facebook Ads - What?!

Just wanted to share this picture with the world. It was one of the advertisements on my Facebook page under the heading "Trying to Conceive?" (Apparently Facebook thinks that because I'm married, I'm trying to conceive. But that's a different rant for a different day...)

What I want to know, Facebook, is where is this baby "squirting" from?!

Because last time I checked, I don't think that's how conception and birth work. But, since I don't plan to participate in those rituals and, therefore, haven't done my research, I could be wrong.

A Few Vague Resolutions

New Year's resolutions are mostly pointless. We list a hundred and they never make it very far out of the blocks. We are 13 days into the new year and half of America's resolutions fell by the wayside a week ago. We're all sitting on our sofas, gearing up for the next season of "Idol" and lamenting about the loss of our "spring break body" workout plan. We're eating Chunky Monkey. We're feeling guilty. And that is no way to start off a new year.

Jump back, America! Maybe keeping these resolutions isn't the point. Maybe it's enough just to take a little time for introspection. A little time to evaluate our lives and admit that there are things we could improve upon. The first step is admitting the problem, right? So maybe just making the resolutions makes us a success.

I'm not saying we should be purposeless blobs of calories who are more concerned about Simon's snappy comebacks than our own goals and aspirations...I'm just saying we can cut ourselves a little slack. Perhaps we should start having a "New Year's evaluation" instead of resolutions. (Though, that sounds more like a test and fills me with stress just thinking about it...)

We can come at this new year with all the determination in the world, but the fact is that life happens. Our lists are too long, our time is too short, and we are bound to end up discouraged. It's impossible to accomplish anything that way. What can we do?

Set more realistic goals.

Craft a small-ish list that includes short-term and long-term goals. Throw a couple freebies on there for yourself. "I will smile more" or "I will take out the trash sooner." These are just subjective enough to work! Even if you don't quite make it to some of your loftier goals, you can check something off the list and not feel like a total failure.

Add a few fun goals on there too. Some stop-and-smell-the-roses sort of things to keep you grounded. Like, "Once every few months I'm going to visit a puppy store, just to make myself smile" or "If I start getting too weighed down by stress this year, I am going to stop what I'm doing and skip all the way around the block." Who can be stressed skipping around the block? You look too hilaroius to worry about anything else.

My solution to the resolution nightmare is to make a series of very vague goals for myself to accomplish in the next 12 months. That way if I slack off for a few days, I don't beat myself up...but there is still a list for me to check. As a "Type A," I love to check off that list. Even if the task is "brush your teeth," if I can cross it off a list, it suddenly becomes greatly significant to me.

Here are my vague and forgiving goals for 2010 (in no particular order):



1. Blog more. (Success already--I'm blogging now!)

2. Write something of significance. Even if it is only significant to me or my close friends and family. (See, subjectivity is the key)

3. Make a conscious effort to add new artists to my iTunes library and new authors to my bookshelf.

4. Bring back words like "darling," "lovely," "brilliant," "charming," and "dear." I think they are, well, charming. Quaint. Fresh.

5. Read Anna Karenina. I've been meaning to for months. It will happen before 2011.

6. Finally figure out what all this health care mumbo-jumbo is and just what the hell is actually going on with our economy. (And I'm not asking for opinions, folks. I want facts.)

7. Get my degree this May. Before the snow melts I will take that stupid Environmental Science CLEP test and finally be rid of Spring Arbor University (except for the massive monthly withdrawal they will continue to make from my bank account. Ugh.)

8. Eat healthier--if we can afford it. And exercise--if I feel like it. I refuse to weigh myself unless my clothes don't fit. Who cares? I'll work out if I feel unhealthy. (For example, I could probably use a little cardio now and again...)

9. Continue to work on the screenplay that I was not inspired enough to finish for my undergrad degree. Maybe I'll start a new one, too. And write a short story. And some poetry. Basically, just get over my lazy self already and write something. Anything. Pen to paper.

10. Pay more attention. Half the time I don't write because I "have nothing to write about." That's a bunch of crap. There is so much material all around me. People are absolutely unpredictable and beauty is lurking everywhere. I just have to sneak up and catch it in the act.

JJ Heller - Holiday EP **FREE**

Indie artist JJ Heller is offering a free download of her Holiday EP, "Wake Up The World." It is only available until 12/31/09 so act now!

I can't say enough about JJ Heller's music. Her voice is so pure and innocent. She disarms you. Her smart lyrics sneak in under the radar. And this EP is no different.

The first track has a simple, worshipful tone. As of late, I haven't been able to make it through the first 30 seconds of a song like this, but she pulled me in. She calmed me before I could become defensive. She is one of the most genuine singer/songwriters I have ever heard. This is especially important in Christian music when the schmooze tends to drown out the sentiment.

Here are a few of her lyrics (which I love) but to get the full effect you definitely should listen to them.

Emmanuel
(an excerpt)

"Come, fall at His feet.
Won't you sing, sing to the King.
And go, tell everyone
Christ is born.

Glory fills the sky
as Mary sings a lullaby.
Emmanuel is born tonight.

Give all that you are
Follow the star
And leave all that you have
behind. ..."


In 40 seconds she paints a picture of the "Holy Family" that I have never encountered. She breathes new life into well-known lines: "let heaven and nature sing," "Son of God, love's pure light." I believe that adds to the comfortable, familiar feel of these songs. And perhaps that is why I instantly loved them: I've been singing them all my life, but now I can finally hear them.

The first two tracks on this EP were like the Polar Express for my ears. They made me believe in Christmas again.

Wake Up The World
(an excerpt)

"Shepherds come to worship
Angels sing Gloria
Wake up the world
The King has come

Joseph smiles at Mary
the baby falls asleep
Wake up the world
The King has come

So let heaven, heaven and nature sing
Oh let heaven, heaven and nature sing
Oh let heaven, heaven and nature sing

Son of God, Love's pure light
Wake up the world, the King has come. ..."


It takes talent to reinvent the wheel as far as Christmas music is concerned, but JJ Heller does just that. Not only does she write new songs for Christmas that aren't terrible and schmoozy, but she adapts the familiar tunes. She has her own version of "We Three Kings" entitled "Star of Wonder." I don't particularly care for "We Three Kings," but Heller's, "Star of Wonder" brought it to life for me for the first time. Lines like "Through the fields and deserts they came/ Messiah was worth every mile" vividly revive the dusty image of the wise men that lingers in my mind.

The EP finishes with a light-hearted, spunky tune entitled, "Christmastime" about surviving the holiday gatherings with our families. This track reminds me a bit of Ingrid Michaelson and kept me smiling the whole way through.

Christmastime
(an excerpt)

"It's that time of year again
Station wagons pulling in
I can see it's gonna be
another Christmas to remember

Oh Christmastime, Oh Christmastime
We'll all be fine in a week or two

All the relatives are here
Grandpa and his Santa beard
How can it possibly already be December?
Wasn't it just July?
I was alone in my room
without a cousin in sight
So far the only one who's having fun
is the reindeer on my sweater
Does it get any better? ... "