Read my post "Created to be His Help Meet -- aka: The Book That Makes My Heart Explode" for context.
Here are a few highlights from this lovely text:
* Note: All underline, italics, bold, exclamation marks, etc. are from the author.
“What is God’s perfect will for your life? To be a good help meet” (p.73).
“Adam commenced his rule of the planet before God created Eve to help him in his life’s goals. Adam didn’t need to get Eve’s consent. God gave her to Adam to be HIS helper, not his partner. She was designed to serve, not to be served, to assist, not to veto his decisions” (p.96).
“If women were the inventors they would make minivans” (p.105).
Regarding women “keeping quiet” in the church:
“For a woman to become the channel of spiritual blessings is to put her into a position not suited for her created being. If she is effective as a replacement for her husband’s ineffective leadership, that makes it all the more wrong? For then she is, as the Bible says, usurping authority over the man—usurping glory…usurping honor…usurping control…usurping leadership. That is, she is doing what a man should be doing, and thus is getting the recognition a man should get. It is an inversion of God’s design for males and females” (p.119).
Regarding a letter from a woman whose husband, shortly after they were married, began going to strip clubs and sleeping with prostitutes. She wanted to get a divorce, but then was told not to by a woman at church and believes that it is God’s perfect will for her to stay with him. That author of the book said this:
“I have to confess that as I typed Judy’s letter into my book, I wept. Judy has turned her heart to God, for only God could have done such a work of grace in a woman. She is reverencing a man who does not deserve it, and in so doing she is reverencing God. She is reverencing God by reverencing her husband, not because her husband is a fit representative of Christ, and not because he is a worthy substitute, but because God placed her in subjection to her husband” (p. 127).
“When you married you signed over to become a minister to his needs. Your life’s work is to minister to your husband. Marriage means becoming one flesh. It does not mean being best friends” (p. 165).
“God created man with a regular need for a woman, and God commanded a man’s wife to see to it that his need is met by her!” (p.168)
“Do you love your husband the way he needs loving, the way you were created to love him? If you don’t score high points here, you are providing an opening for your husband to be tempted by other women” (p.169).
“Don’t talk to me about how uncomfortable or painful it is for you. Do you think your body is special and has special needs? Do you know who created you, and do you know he is the same God who expects you to freely give sex to your husband? Stop the excuses! Determine to find a way past your ‘excuses,’ and provide the pleasure that your husband wants only from you. Your Creator knows your heart. When you truly love and reverence your husband, the very thought of him loving the likes of you should thrill your soul and make you long to give him pleasure. If your heart is right with God, you will focus on his needs and lay aside your own selfish, prudish attitude” (p.170).
“Traits of a Good Help Meet: […] She empties her mind of the cares of the world so her body can respond to him with eagerness. […] Traits of a Wife Who is in Danger of Blaspheming the Word of God: […] Excuses her lack of wanting to gratify him sexually on the grounds that _______. (You fill in the blank. The “Excuses List” can be very long)” (p.175)
Again, here are a few related websites:
This is a blog that refutes most of what this book claims, comparing it to the Bible: http://createdtobehelpmeet.blogspot.com/
This is the book's website: http://www.createdtobehishelpmeet.org/
Excerpts: http://www.createdtobehishelpmeet.org/excerpts
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Created to be His Help Meet -- aka: The book that makes my heart implode and die
I received this book in the mail today: Created to be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl . I have not been able to put it down. Not because it is good, but because it is so terrible! I received it from a cousin (who obviously does not know me very well...) and I was interested to see what she thought I needed to read, so I perused the table of contents.
The first little tidbit that I came across was: "Successful Wife's Summary" and I thought “this ought to be good.” I had no idea how good. Author, Debi Pearl, has described a few main "categories" of men and how women should cater to them. This passage that made my blood boil seems to sum up the main theme of this book fairly accurately (and it was only the beginning). All italics/ bold/ underline/ etc. are the author’s :
"Successful Wife Summary:
a) The wife of Mr. Command Man can heal her marriage by becoming his adoring Queen, honoring and obeying his every (reasonable and unreasonable) word. She will dress, act, and speak so as to bring him honor everywhere she goes.
b) The wife of Mr. Visionary can heal her marriage by laying aside her own dreams and aspirations and embracing her role as help meet to her man, believing in him and being willing to follow him with joyful participation in the path he has chosen.
c) The wife of Mr. Steady can heal her marriage by joyfully realizing what a friend, lover, and companion she has been given and living that gratitude verbally and actively. When she stops trying to change him, he will grow. She can, then, willingly take up tasks that will fill her time and give her husband joy and satisfaction when he sees her productiveness.” (p.92)
How very charming.
I was astounded that this book was written by a woman (with the approval of her husband, no doubt). Though I consider myself a fairly independent woman, I don’t think you need to be in order to be offended by this book. This woman is stating that women have no worth in and of themselves and they exist only to serve and please their husbands. At some points in this book she says these things verbatim: “God’s ultimate goal for you is to meet your man’s needs” (p. 162).
At first, it filled me with rage—actually, it still fills me with rage—but it fills me with sorrow too. Especially when I read this: “When you married you signed over to become a minister to his needs. Your life’s work is to minister to your husband. Marriage means becoming one flesh. It does not mean being best friends” (p. 165).
I have only been married 1 ½ years and never thought I would feel qualified to give marital advice to anyone, let alone a woman who has been married for 34 years, but my god, she has no idea. Edward and I are best friends. I don’t know how people manage if they aren’t.
Not only is this book extremely sexist, misogynistic, and against Biblical principals, the writing just sucks. She makes liberal use of italics, underlines, bold face print, and exclamation points (all big no-no’s in Brent Cline classes. If you can’t get the reader’s attention with the language alone, stop writing). The only reason I kept reading was for more blog-rant material…and curiosity: could this possibly get any worse? (Usually the answer was yes).
Debi Pearl describes people in her stories as “pretty dumb” and “hillbilly ugly, which is worse than regular ugly.” If this were intended to be a farcical book (which it achieves without trying…) then these names would be a bit more excusable, because the audience would know that the author/ narrator was aware of their own absurdity. That is not the case with this book. I kept waiting for the punch line, but it never came—she’s dead serious.
This is the website that refutes most of what this book claims, comparing it to the Bible: http://createdtobehelpmeet.blogspot.com/
This is the book's website: http://www.createdtobehishelpmeet.org/
Excerpts: http://www.createdtobehishelpmeet.org/excerpts
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